Shit Mainstream People Say About Your Due Date

From pregnancy activities to interest of homeschooling, all my choices in motherhood are due in large part to because everyone is, well, not doing it. In addition to creepily rubbing my pregnant womb, strangers and especially well-meaning friends would offer their advice – generally unwanted, of course. “Normal” has evolved into ignoring the biological and instinctual cues as parents for the sake of conforming or convenience.

Here’s my experience with shit mainstream people say about…

Your estimated due date.

Me: “This Sunday.”
Receptionist: “Ohhhhhhhhhh my, tsk tsk, we must get you in sooner then, ya know, before your baby comes.”
Me: “Well, I’m due on Sunday but my baby won’t come on Sunday.”
Receptionist: “Well, um, ok. We will hopefully see you [at your appointment] then.”

- a phone call between myself and a receptionist at the potential pediatricians’ office

Today is the date that a medical professional has provided me as Super Bowl Sunday is my estimated due date. It is used to gauge measurements and provide information based on symptoms surrounding where along the gestation of this supposed 40-week journey. My previous journey lasted 41 weeks and three days, to be exact. Only about 5 percent of women give birth on their due date, uh, according to Oprah? Again, here I am meeting and embracing my due date- an estimation, not an expiration.

Rather than hyping up the end of pregnancy, I am celebrating making it this far with little to no complications. I get to celebrate spending some more time with Humnoy before my new role befalls upon me like the smell of (two) dirty diapers. I’m celebrating a great support team complete with a caring doula, midwives, and even a birth photographer on hand. I’m celebrating a baby preparing to choose the perfect timing for their appearance.

Who knows what I’d like to do to officially celebrate? I’m thinking taking some time to look nice and mop the floors. Maybe not within exact order but definitely on my to-do list in general. I want to eat something amazing maybe. I want to do something amazing maybe. Get in that 5% and get to do just that or still be pregnant and continue celebrating. All amazing.

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What have others said about your estimated due date?

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Sh*t Mainstream People Say About Finding Out the Sex of Your Baby

main·stream/ˈmānˌstrēm/
Noun:
The ideas, attitudes, or activities that are regarded as normal or conventional; the dominant trend in opinion, fashion, or the arts.

From pregnancy activities to interest of homeschooling, all my choices in motherhood are due in large part to because everyone is, well, not doing it. In addition to creepily rubbing my pregnant womb, strangers and especially well-meaning friends would offer their advice – generally unwanted, of course. “Normal” has evolved into ignoring the biological and instinctual cues as parents for the sake of conforming or convenience.

Here’s my experience with shit mainstream people say about…

Finding out the sex of your baby.

Well, don’t you want to know so you can [insert superficial reason]?

BabyCenter says, “Sixty-four percent of mothers-to-be in a BabyCenter poll said they wanted to find out the sex of their baby ahead of time, while the rest preferred to wait.” They go on to say that there are actually ‘benefits.’ As in it’s somehow physically beneficial and emotionally rewarding to discover the sex before the big finale.

Benefits of finding out:

  • Many women say they feel a deeper bond with their baby once they know the sex and can picture a little boy or girl.
  • You can prepare an older sibling for the arrival of a new little brother or sister.
  • You can narrow down your list of baby names.
  • You can pick out a gender-specific nursery theme or baby clothes, if you want to.


Hm. I don’t know about you but those reasons are really insulting. The moments I had to take three naps in a day just to function in my first trimester is the best bonding I could get with this new little fetus. Humnoy? He could give two shits about a little brother or sister because he’s more interested in the two milky things up above my belly. Names, I sorta understand but I’m really unconventional with my kid(s) names anyway but come on, narrow that shit down to a Top 3 list. Gender-specific clothing? Oh, the 3-4 changes of clothes in a day that newborns shit and spit up on. I don’t care if he’s wearing a clown costume, the least of my worries is if his nursery is going to be baseballs or pink unicorns. If you’re going to get us anything, please make sure it’s tons of nursing pads and shit I picked for my registry.

Now, before you think I’m saying it’s ridiculous you found out your baby’s sex, please know that we did too the first time! This time, I want this. I want a true element of surprise because, after all, isn’t life so lacking of them now? What with all these advancements in our daily life, we can find out the weather for the next month, cars can detect what’s in your blind spot, and view thousands of profile pictures before ever meeting someone. The one thing I can control throughout this unforeseen journey inside of me is this legitimate surprise on the day he or she decides to appear. I’m not Team Pink, Team Blue, or even Team Green (really?). I’m just patiently waiting for Team Baby to make this family more full and happier.

Did you find out the sex of your baby? What was your main reason? Do you think you could ever have self-control to keep it a surprise?

Sh*t Mainstream People Say About Epidurals

main·stream/ˈmānˌstrēm/
Noun:
The ideas, attitudes, or activities that are regarded as normal or conventional; the dominant trend in opinion, fashion, or the arts.

From pregnancy activities to interest of homeschooling, all my choices in motherhood are due in large part to because everyone is, well, not doing it. In addition to creepily rubbing my pregnant womb, strangers and especially well-meaning friends would offer their advice – generally unwanted, of course. “Normal” has evolved into ignoring the biological and instinctual cues as parents for the sake of conforming or convenience.

Here’s my experience with shit mainstream people say about…

Epidurals

As we were stuffing Gym Hottie’s head guts back in his skull, we had a team of an ER doctor, a medical resident, a nurse, and medical assistant at the same hospital we delivered I eye-blood-vessel-popping-pushed out Humnoy 13 months ago. Gym Hottie was getting discharged while the medical assistant was patching up GH:

GH: “This pain medicine is really good.”

Me: “Hehe, I wouldn’t know. *snark, snark*”

GH: “She had a natural birth here.”

Assistant: “What? Why? Why would you want to if you don’t have to?”

It’s like eating fast food every day for dinner because it’s readily available despite the obesity epidemic or undergoing triple bypass surgery with its side effects rather than exercise and better meal planning. Ok, I’m guilty of one of those every now and again but my point is that I didn’t choose to not to do something; I chose the normal way or a least what should be a normal way to birth. The terms unmedicated insinuates that medicated births are the norm especially with the epidural rates as they are that is fairly accurate. I ignored the epidural because I can and know how to.

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So what if you, your wife, or your mom’s dog’s aesthetician’s neighbor tried to “go natural” or chose right off the bat to use medication during labor and delivery. As long as you, your wife, or your mom’s dog’s aesthetician’s neighbor made an informed decision to do so and don’t judge me for my choices, I don’t hate. I did what many choose not to do and I may (or may not) have wanted too so badly just because you said I couldn’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t. Don’t test me, Mainstream Society. Just don’t.

Assistant: “Why?”

Me: “Why not?”

What other shit mainstream people said about epidurals to you?


Sh*t Mainstream People Say About Cow’s Milk

main·stream/ˈmānˌstrēm/
Noun:
The ideas, attitudes, or activities that are regarded as normal or conventional; the dominant trend in opinion, fashion, or the arts.

From pregnancy activities to interest of homeschooling, all my choices in motherhood are due in large part to because everyone is, well, not doing it. In addition to creepily rubbing my pregnant womb, strangers and especially well-meaning friends would offer their advice – generally unwanted, of course. “Normal” has evolved into ignoring the biological and instinctual cues as parents for the sake of conforming or convenience.

Here’s my experience with shit mainstream people say about…
Putting my kid on cows’ milk

“Why isn’t he on cows’ milk?”

Did you know the we are the only mammal on the entire planet to regularly consume another mammal’s made-for-their-baby milk? Human infants are born to be nourished with human milk just as baby cows are born to be nourished with cows milk. Well, ‘cept for this kid. According to Dr. Group, cows milk has its share of nastinessdangers due to the extreme processes that milk undergoes, as well as the high amounts of antibiotics, hormones, and genetically-modified substances that cows are continually exposed to [therefore...] cows release toxins through their milk, as milk is a natural exit-portal for substances that the body cannot use.”

20120412-002411.jpgImage from http://www.sodahead.com/living/cows-milk-is-a-foreign-substance/question-2256115/?nomobile=true

Think about it: do you think the term “lactose intolerance” has been around since the dawn of civilization? There is no milk product in Lao food preparation, Lao cooking, or consumption of Laotian cuisine. Don’t get me wrong – we (GH, Humnoy, and I) eat cheese. I freakin’ love cheese but I am interested in transitioning to goat cheeses and/or raw types (GH terms: expensive, overrated cheese). At least that kid got it raw and organic in Cambodia, a neighboring country to Laos!

We attended a cousin’s birthday party where another couple (the father is my Mom’s cousin’s husband’s brother – yeah, true story) had a child around the same age as Humnoy. Humnoy was fascinated with their daughter’s sippy cup, which apparently had milk in it.

Mom’s cousin’s husband’s brother: “Can he have some?”

Me: “Oh, he doesn’t drink cows’ milk.”

Mom’s cousin’s husband’s brother: “Oh, so you’re still bre— uh, he’s still drinking your milk?”

Me: “Yep. He is breastfed. *runs after Humnoy as he sprints to the kitchen*

Other Uncle: *Asian accent* “He should be drink cow milk!”

My kid totally got me out of that conversation. He’s my soul mate.

They are all Lao but have raised their children in America, the land of dairy farmers, right? I’m not saying children who grow up on cows milk are unhealthy but why does my kid have to drink it just because everyone does? The conversation didn’t get beyond that but it makes me wonder about the urgency of cows’ milk once a child meets a certain age.

What are your thoughts about consuming processed and manufactured milk? Any other shit mainstream people said to you about cows milk?

Sh*t Mainstream People Say When You Don’t Want Kids

main·stream/ˈmānˌstrēm/
Noun:
The ideas, attitudes, or activities that are regarded as normal or conventional; the dominant trend in opinion, fashion, or the arts.

From pregnancy activities to interest of homeschooling, all my choices in motherhood are due in large part to because everyone is, well, not doing it. In addition to creepily rubbing my pregnant womb, strangers and especially well-meaning friends would offer their advice – generally unwanted, of course. “Normal” has evolved into ignoring the biological and instinctual cues as parents for the sake of conforming or convenience.

Here is my experience with shit mainstream people say about…

Choosing to Be Child-Free

Remember that option on MySpace with basic information such as your marital status, body type, and even your income? There was an option to list your “children” with Yes, No, or Someday. I clicked the “Love kids, but not for me” category. I was proudly child-free because kids complicate things and steal your life’s ambitions. With a mention of this, I get my share of sympathetic brows and heartbroken frowns and usually,

You’ll change your mind.

This isn’t Denny’s where I can change my order. I don’t care to eat the Sizzlin’ Skillet and you say I will eff up my day by going without the Sizzlin’ Skillet. Everyone else gets the Sizzlin’ Skillet and I’ve seen how messy it gets and if you touch it, you’ll get hurt. I like the idea but the Sizzlin’ Skillet is just not for me. You go on to say the Sizzlin’ Skillet has finally entered meaning into your mundane existence and that you always dreamed of the Sizzlin’ Skillet since you were a little kid. Love ‘em, but kids were not for me. The ironic thing is that a child-free person totally could change their mind and have kids later down the road. Well, dang, what happens when you aren’t really impressed with parenthood and your kids are hellions and now want to fulfill your dream of backpacking in Europe? Not very many options there, buddy. All I had to do was get knocked up to show that you were right all along. I actually would love a Sizzlin’ Skillet if a Sizzlin’ Skillet were Humnoy and dessert were busted myths of mainstream parenting. Sizzlin’ Skillet is pretty bitching and my life does have a whole new meaning. Now, I dream of having more Sizzlin’ Skillets with a dash of unconventional to complete my crazy meal.

What shit did mainstream people say about your life before having kids? Have you always wanted kids? Do you have people in your life that are child-free? How are they now that you have child(ren)? What mainstream parenting horror stories did you de-bunk?

Sh*t Mainstream People Say About Serious Relationships

main·stream/ˈmānˌstrēm/
Noun:
The ideas, attitudes, or activities that are regarded as normal or conventional; the dominant trend in opinion, fashion, or the arts.

From pregnancy activities to interest of homeschooling, all my choices in motherhood are due in large part to because everyone is, well, not doing it. In addition to creepily rubbing my pregnant womb, strangers and especially well-meaning friends would offer their advice – generally unwanted, of course. “Normal” has evolved into ignoring the biological and instinctual cues as parents for the sake of conforming or convenience.

Here is my experience with shit mainstream people say about…

When You’re In a Serious Relationship

Okay, it’s not parenting related but I wanted to start the series at a time in my life with shit mainstream people said to me before I was even married or pregnant. I was in a serious, serious relationship with someone else before meeting Husband. Mind you, I was proudly child-free and education-minded, women’s rights and all that noise and hated the idea of marriage and especially kids. He was conservative (I know, right?) in the ways of gender roles and personal identity. His idea of starting a life together was for me to drop out of college and start my mainstream adventure of mini-vans and mom jeans. We were together on and off for about 3 years but I heard plenty from his friends, my friends, and just mainstream people in general.

“When are you guys gonna get married so you can have kids?!”

Oh yeah! Let me me get on that for you! I mean, you’re right – what in the hell am I doing by doing you, your dog, and the world a disservice by leaving this ripe uterus unoccupied? Oh, and I know he had betta out a ring on it before planting his golden seed too, right? White gold bands on left hand triggers your optimal fertility, dontchaknow.

Are you saying that unwed mothers are doomed and that the next cow over will demand a dowry before giving away milk rather than the harlot that you are giving it away for free? I never understood that life’s events had to happen in a certain order or the universe will explode. Two months salary on a diamond, wearing an expensive white dress (worst color ever, by the way) only once, and then popping out mainstream kids. Most of all those generated ideas came from a single person’s ideal of how it should be and now we now have Kim Kardashian. Thanks, Society, thanks a lot.

What mainstream shit have you heard about your serious/non-serious relationship? Did you fall victim? What have you done in your relationship that falls into ‘mainstream’?

Sh*t Mainstream People Say

main·stream/ˈmānˌstrēm/
Noun:
The ideas, attitudes, or activities that are regarded as normal or conventional; the dominant trend in opinion, fashion, or the arts.

With the video of “Sh*t Crunchy Mamas Say” going super viral on all my favorite natural parenting pages, it totally gave me an idea to post all the negative things people said to me before, during, and in the long-range plans for my child.

I will start a “Sh*t Mainstream People Say” blog series for all the things someone has offered their unwarranted or negative advice for my crunchy motherhood. It is not meant to judge nor poke fun at different parenting styles and I hope you can enjoy the stuff I have come across in my short time as a mother. Please know that I have a sense of humor too and I am in no way directly talking about you or your family.

Here’s the video that made Gym Hottie laugh because he has heard those very things come out of my mouth:

So, stay tuned! :D